THE LEGEND OF ROSES( BABEL RIDICULOUS VERSION)

In Coimbra, Across the river stands the great white convent of Santa Clara, "once the glory of Coimbra and the cloister of Queens," but now used as a factory. Lower down are the ruins of another convent, in which the Porta de Rosa recalls the pretty legend of the miracle of the roses. St. Elizabeth, the wife of King Diniz, spent all her time and money in ministering to the poor, till at length her husband remonstrated with her and forbade her to continue her good works. King Diniz could not stand the poor people, he was like a ancient Paris Hilton, who thought that all the poor people are real pain in the ass. King Diniz did not mind that queen and the people got angry at him. He had built portuguese first university, had written over 100 trobadour songs; also had many sexy university students giving him brain and also had the queen, who only let her do it missionary. So when the king forbade queen her humanitarian activities, Sain Elizabeth hated herself for marrying this asshole, when she was only 10-years old.

The Queen was very unhappy; she was loath to disobey, but her kind heart bled for the hungry women and little children who would look in vain for her coming. Elizabeth did not like Paris Hilton and Dom Dinis at the same time. Since Elizabeth knew that Dom Dinis would not kill her, if she would disobey ( ´cause she had told her parents to start rumours after her death that Dom Dinis was impotent and somehow Dinis knew this threat), she decided to help the poor people again.

One day she sallied out with a basketful of bread on her arm. As she was passing through a doorway, she meet the King. The King wanted to make love, but Elizabeth refused. She was on her period. After that, the king saw that Elizabeth was carrying a basket. The spirit of Paris Hilton took over of D. Diniz.

"What have you there?" cried he in anger.

"Roses," faltered the trembling Queen, not daring to tell the truth.

"Let me see them!" thundered the King, lifting the cover of the basket to the good St. Elizabeth's joy and wonder, it was full of beautiful roses.

So the bread was turned into bread by miracle and Elizabeth could continue to help the poor. D. Diniz continued to be a poet and womanizer. Both spirits – Paris Hilton and D. Diniz – still hate the poor.

 listen at:http://www.mixcloud.com/Babel_RUC/portuguese_legends_mythsbabel_ridiculous_version/

THE LEGEND OF NAZARE ( BABEL RADIO SHOW RIDICULOUS VERSION)

 

 

The Legend of Nazaré  has it that on the early morning of September 14, 1182, Dom Fuas Roupinho was out hunting near the coast. Usually Nazare is considered a surfing paradise due to its crazy waves. But at that time surfboards did not exista and anyway Dom Fuas Roupinho hated to be mainstream. He went hunting, cause he wanted to shoot someone. He could not shoot his wife. Soon he saw a deer and he took his horse to chase him. All of a sudden a heavy fog rose up from the sea. The deer ran towards the edge of a cliff and Dom Fuas in the midst of the fog was cut off. But he kept riding his horse, since he was stupid and wanted to shoot someone. He passed a small grotto where a statue of Our Lady with the Enfant was venerated. Then he realized that horse is galloping towards edge of the clip and soon they are going to die. Thus he prayed out loud Our Lady, Help Me. All of a sudden the horse miraculously stopped at the end of a rocky point suspended over the void, the Bico do Milagre (Point of the Miracle), thus saving the rider and his mount from a drop of more than 100 metres, that would certainly caused their death.

 

Since Dom Fuas did not believe that horses have brains themselves and actually do stop on their own, when they see a cliff ahead of them, he went to the same grotto. He prayed there and thanked the god for the miracle. He also built a chapel there, so the people who went there to shoot dears in the fog, while being on the crazy galloping horses, could see miracles and pray to gods before reaching the cliff edges.

 

listen show at:

http://www.mixcloud.com/Babel_RUC/portuguese_legends_mythsbabel_ridiculous_version/

THE LEGEND OF ROOSTER OF BARCELOS ( BABEL RIDICULOUS VERSION )

According to the legend, silver had been stolen from a landowner in Barcelos, a city in North Portugal, and the inhabitants of that city were looking for the criminal who had committed the crime. Babel Radio show is more than sure that it was actually some gangsta rapper, who wanted to make bling-bling out of it and then disappeared to United States, but since there are no criminal records from that time, we are not sure.

One day, a man from neighboring Galicia turned up and became suspect, despite his pleas of innocence. He looked like Michael Jackson, spoke with Samuel L. Jackson´s voice and was a nymphomaniac. The Galician swore that he was merely passing through Barcelos on a Pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostelato complete a promise. The promise was to steal some nice looking girls from Portugal and become a pimp in Spain.

Nevertheless, the authorities were very angry since Galician did not listen to Babel Radio Show. So they arrested the Galician and condemned him to hang. The man asked them to take him in front of the judge who had condemned him. The authorities honored his request and took him to the house of the magistrate, who was holding a banquet with some friends. There were many prostitutes, and everyone was drunk, having sex and wearing masks that resembled Bill Clinton´s face. Poor Galician had to drink wine, and sleep with one Eastern-European girl to kill time, cause judge was doing cocaine upstairs for 2 hours. When he finally returned, he was very egoistic and narcistic, not giving a fuck about the Galician, who tried to beg and plead for many hours. The judge just did not listen. For some strange reason, somebody had put LSD to Galician wine cup and he found somekind of divine connection with rooster that was chilling in the banquet. As the LSD came on, they both became soulmates, forever connecting souls.

Affirming his innocence, the Galician pointed to a roasted cock on top of the banquet table and exclaimed, "It is as certain that I am innocent as it is certain that this rooster will crow when they hang me." The judge became suprised and cancelled his plan to eat the rooster. Since it was something totally different from wines, prostitutes and cocaine, judge wanted to see some action immediately. He ordered his followers to hang Galician immediately, since time is money. Galician started to cry, ´cause he could not become a pimp in Spain.

However, while the potential pimp was being hanged, the rooster stood up on the table and crowed as the Galician predicted. Understanding his error, the judge – naked and still on cocaine - ran to the gallows, only to discover that the Galician had been saved from hanging thanks to a poorly made knot in the rope. The man was immediately freed and sent off in peace. He went to pilgrimage and became a pimp.


listen the show at:

http://www.mixcloud.com/Babel_RUC/portuguese_legends_mythsbabel_ridiculous_version/